Absorbing the pain

I sensed his control on me,it was so frightening.Holding my hands on my face so i cannot realise what is happening with my life.He was my life.The cold weather found it's way into my room,and i felt it deep in my soul.
It was the beginning of winter,but my window was wide open .You'll ask why..i'll answer. Breathing is very hard for me these few days,the cold somehow helps me not to feel all of the things that i am hoping to avoid.It was the middle of the night,not sure if i have slept at all,my eyes were open or closed.My self control was not on for days now.Keeping my mind up to date was so hard,my words wouldn't come out of my mouth.
And here is the rain coming,not just outside, but in my eyes ,down through my cheeks..
I got my last powers in my feet and got up the bed,walking through the corridors of my house towards the porch. Felt like a ghost in this house,everything was soaked up by him.Wearing nothing ,but big lousy T-shirt ,opened the door to the back yard.Hearing the drops of the rain fell , revealing,walked in the rain like all the pain was washed away.Drop ,drop and another drop of heart broken pain.
Absorbing all this power i started running from my back yard towards the big trees in the closest forest.The black hole i was starting to get in was not something i have ever sensed.
Running from the past ,dropping all my problems in this rain was the only way.